So, it's my second time reading the novel. I've watched the anime twice, read the manga a couple times as well, and am reading it again. Focusing a little in the novel, the first time I read it I couldn't really grasp Nezumi's personality, and how it affected how he saw/interacted with Shion. I thought things to be really simple and due to the situation... Like, Nezumi felt somehow worried and infatuated with Shion because he was saved by him, and since they spent most of time together he couldn't help it, that's why he left at the end, to find himself again, and to be able to live alone again.
Now, reading the book for the second time, I see things are a lot more complex than I originally thought so! I want to know what other people think about this as well, so let me tell how I see things now. The way Nezumi feels and acts towards Shion is deeply connected to the Mao Massacre, and it's effects in Nezumi's life.
Yes, I know it sounded SO obvious and cliché, so let me explain a little further.
It's not really clear how Nezumi lived after the massacre, how he got to Rou, and how he lived his first years after meeting with Shion, but it's clear that he has a really strong survival instinct, hence, he only gets involved in/with things he can take control of, or at least can get a full view of, can understand perfectly. That would explain why he would be so reserved when it comes to relationships and feelings in general. One can hardly control how he feels, and how other people think and feel as well.
So when he first met Shion, I believe not only he was surprised to see goodness and even salvation in another human being, but he was curious about him as well, for he lived inside of the wall, but could show kindness and tenderness..
Fasting forward a little, they are living together and Nezumi gets frustrated at Shion for he seems to oblivious to the reality around him, always being too idealistic and shallow even, but there is something he cannot get... Shion sometimes is totally unreadable. He may look innocent, full of morals and kindness, but had more than once shown signs of wrath, agressiveness... Nezumi can't quite get him.
There's a part of him that likes (loves, perhaps) Shion, for all they have been through together, and for his company, his bluntness, his goodness, and we see this CLEARLY for Nezumi does not want to let him go by himself to the correctional facility, (yes, he says that he does not want to be alone again, because he finds himself enjoying Shion's company), how he cried after Shion left, how he is always worried about Shion, teaching him.
But there's that part of him that is afraid... Not of Shion, properly, but of the notion of the unknown, the impredictable... Shion is not entirely mighty, but not also entirely evil. He's like anyone else... The difference is that this is all new to him, and he is learning how to deal with all. That's why we see Nezumi constantly pushing Shion away, thinking how Shion is a monster, hurting him sometimes, saying that he hates him.
At the end, he leaves so he can experience freedom for the first time, not only from No. 6, but from his own demons as well... Shion had to stay, because Nezumi wouldn't be able to deal with him properly before dealing with himself first...
What do you guys think???
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